If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
