the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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