I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
