hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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