I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Are my feet made of real feet?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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