I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
