Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
