Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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