i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
