I'm eating all of the evidence.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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