rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize