remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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