Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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