is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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