Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
