Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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