He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I can text with my tongue
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
