Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
