so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize