Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
