he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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