dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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