It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
