wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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