The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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