watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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