I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
