I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
