you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
