why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
