tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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