i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
