doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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