Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
