The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
