whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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