I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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