epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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