My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
