DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
