I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
