if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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