dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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