I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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