i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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