FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
people are starting to question the shark bite story
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
