Don't you send me to vm
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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