My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
