no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
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i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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