she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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