DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
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I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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