sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just high enough for therapy.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
