i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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