Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
