god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
