i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
