I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
