There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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