i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
