we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
