no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
