i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
