Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
