Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
