you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
