hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
