Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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