So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
