He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
