Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
