Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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