I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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